Wash Sea Out Of Hair And Drive

chapter 1

you’d think we’d find more

human teeth

on the street sometimes

the way every person loses so many

 

What Kind of Body

i told you

hackberry
is my favorite

you bit into it  said

there is no flesh on this fruit

that was never the point

Understory or
A Pre-Surgical Examination Beneath Mesquite Archway

my footprints muted by dampened soil

fallen colors caught on leaves

and adjacent grass blades

i stop to push rocks and sticks aside the ground

expose a piece of mud i scratch a square

only then can i remember earth

and the ability to hold

only then can i remember space

and taking it

in absence and erasure

cottonwoods line banks

the disembodied speaker sounds

of wet slow shaking   in a dance

with breeze

and in the distance even asters

hold umbels at stake

and odds with the wind

oh how that might feel

the blow of new wings

 

Anointed

sometimes with babies

no goodbyes from babies

closure terminal

porous vessel access sifter

holy and enclosure the queer

body holds babies but cannot hold

onto babies is not in spaces

is a childhood

far away from the gaying prayers

t h i s i s toy

so very toy the soft head

balcony is sky tower is sky above the crib

baby is sky and scrap er for city-baby crying baby

feet too soft to walk away, baby

to cast the movie infant with cheeks

and how that infant’s cheeks flushed

factory milk and breast-less hope
sorry baby happy baby fat baby

not your baby

i Felt Your Distance i

looked up the definition

of extraneous

but i meant

of extenuating

as in circumstance

/ validated excuse

this desert heat this harbor-less hole

four giant cinder cone anthills

mark my new street

that's how i know where to turn left

how to find my paint chipped casita

paved over flowing washes

re/named renamed

much much smaller ants

eat the compost pile by Theresa’s

who leaves stickers on old fruit skin

in my garden now stunted by shade soon

to be heatblown

just like that

last year no rain well

hardly

and i watch the spaces

for distance-hangs shrink

a n d shrink

sweat runs fast down

into my eyes all that salt

got confused for tears

we tear the calendar down

bullying

oh there’s confinement greater

the anticipation is harrowing still

this is no ode to a nightingale

who singest of summer in full-throated ease*

the bird outside my window is obnoxious as a jay

entangled in grey cloudcover

re/covering from last summer

missing monsoon and we plus her

shake down the clock of a momentary spring

*Ode To A Nightingale -John Keats

 

We Make a Space Every Month

pressing the mesh of our flesh together

to make sure it still fits (we know it does)

i whisper many breaths into your ear

with the word cherish on it

we both remember that back and forth

is to sew

I Drew an Infinity Sign Where an Ex Should Be

ghost ship R.I.P.

to the charcoal

you blacken

a night too solvent

to the lost

bodies

however formerly questioning existence

 

Daybook

I. see the creosote generational

the stomata scented

when the sky is so warm it

smooths

you

spend all day trying

touch from earth

II. tomorrow’s high

will be 109°

i’ll leave to garden

the chocolate maker’s house

i hand water seedlings

slow

the

  transition into life

  has a chance not to be consumed

/ drown

under mesquite  tenants tend land

feeling the extents of the landlord’s

investment

feeling the lack of care one places

on structure

rented

III. mom says

you are so damn negative

no one thanks (girls)

for being realists

someone small purple Target dress maybe 7

tells Pony hey girl

can i have a turn

spinning

Pony in blue

answers     two is too young to know

the liminal between

monsters and dreams

we wait for all the

noun’d kids of queers

to change back to

man names

a name becomes dead

only after you kill it

the process is haunting

as in

prepare to be haunted by ghosts for a very

long  time this

internet age

the most searchable

thing we know together

new language youth create

is the seedling may we bring

water

 

The Way You Move Sentences

a big toothed you

takes me to Frys

latenight

makes me push   the cart

makes me think i can find joy in grocery exhaustion

you angel

inside my body rest is momentarily forgotten

and this new coffee

brain in movement

who is he dancing

daily pieced and vibrant

remembering multitasking and nightlife

chasing water still

inside my mask the air circulates in whirls of garlic

keeps closure

over lipstick

i scribble cocktails and how to center clay

     on the same blue-lined notecard

notice you free pouring green-eyed

talking through your hands unworded things

friday night there’s a neon party

for those who think Tucson pride isn’t dead

instead we play a death game

anti-survival around candle light i

am the big ex pro

wrestling with circumstance

finding patience and vice

of all the virtues one could choose

patience feels so 

    impractical

yes i know then this is the lesson

misgender cispeople

give the gift of humility

open carry


chapter 2

the virus is already

in us

and every

conversation

 

I. calling while trans

i say my name which is legally not

everything legal

dystopia too

is trending

i mean for real

how many apocalypse stories can i read in a week

II. the C word

twice

the cringe

see you next tuesday

do not touch

yonic waves

i was masked i was matter

floating

contagion

tent in your backyard

the your  is to uncomplicate confusion

nothing is yours really

let alone

community

III. allure

man and big truck

pull up

briefs sag blood-stained

and empty pocket dick

opens door to pick-up

package flung and turns to see

big grin

pressed foot

on break

IV. touching objects

neutral temp

stronger the bottom is bound tightly in straw

the top becomes disorder

brittle   kinked so

fragile

unyielding

My Fake Friend Tommy

said hey there does touch

live inside you did you stay inside all day waiting of rust

socks dried a roommate’s help a wet bleach rag a park stroll sit

another walk another walk 3 way friend video star remember thinking last week you were going to buy a record player

or put a weird ad out for a trade proposition about a record player

remember last week when people’s favorite thing to trade was money

remember this week when people’s favorite thing to trade is

still money

i have to drown people out

of my head in order

to write poetry now

how sick is that

 

Pothos Plant

they like you cause you’re hard to die

and here i am a house plant guy

  pothos

i used to think

keeping plants confined / roots bound

out of sun’s warmth

away from pollination

away from being a part of

something bigger

is     a trapping a

self-serving    domination

again

i sit next to you

my favorite event of the year is virtual

i am unready

to charge this year’s passivity

solo / screened-in

unbecoming slideshow commemorates

adrenaline / mess / kiss

the rest-in-pieces

we

haven’t felt in so long

the adjacent heat of sweat

i have you not pothos

this is just where i’m at

like every other

basic office bitch

Distancing

i saw you today on social media

i saw you through a screen door

i saw you today as we drove by parked

empty streets bellowing loudly

exactly nothing either of us say

 

The Doves Throated Hum

seeps

     under screen

true i too

    don't know how to survive this place

without water

                                             wind our

  original pollinator shape this

and every cliff’s edge

awaiting scatter

a line already written

as poison    offered freely to the hard hat

on man in crawl space          withering on belly

     mistaken serpent in day labor role

if i blow    a     dandelion your

general direction

who will shift the coffin to the left every spring

  so weeds may too

refuge?

Can You Hear Me When You’re Older?

of soaking glochids

from calloused palms

tending macrocosmos in tiny body form

   emotionally themself children

a felt and momentary constant

what are children to mourn   but the exact infront

you begged for a cookie       to tears

took a bite lost interest   what

is singular stability to a young mind fed bigger as better

another full plate to the next

then i too vanish   as you wish

the dog that barks at the blank canvas

sees blue in suspension

yes time who

moves both fast and slow

is ghost

 

If Not You Then Who

is it cruel how trans people stay young

stay pubescent sometimes multiple times

and die instead of age

it’s encapsulated youth

i feel you thinking about dying when i touch you

i'm fine with cruel being the wrong word

so tell me

A Space Between

your love    

store bought broth

your stumble            over names

of plants

of places

of me

imagine a mother

not learning

her own child’s name

big voice   high heat

you think bladderpod looks like a ballsack

you grimace imagine

being so long in this world held back

in fear of going forward

in terror of opening

learning something

or losing everything


chapter 3

in narrow beaks

 

i blewyou up

you stayed squishy

the river’s tide was the opposite direction

than any other day

you deflated again and cis people were there and the sky stayed grey

and instead of making out we paddled pink sandals

upstream

Wetlands off Pacific Coast Highway

the birds did make

did those

lines

in sandy muck mud under

bridge we walk

the sky greys

under clouds    and  a  softness

this is one of your favorite spots near

the stolen land i grew to

leave sandpipers tip forward

a bow to

creatures they nibble

  in narrow beaks

i had to take a call on the video phone

by coastal sage brush

work and response  everywhere you are

oughta be working      i t f ee l s

     to be valid

you fill in

a place

important

enough to always be a visitor

the video phone allows the disembodied distance

of visitation   of importance

and never in full

context

of wetlands i

mourn this

 

We Met on Trucksluts

LDRs are falsely trending

we cracked the algorithm barely

fed a monstrous mouth of

an impersonal internet internal

you aglow and heart

an ode to hand holding and leftovers

standing in the web unwaiting

no one shouted i love gays no one knocked

about the takeout no one txted running late just you

you and me at cliff's edge over sea

hiding shy faces

momentarily saved

this once

plus

this

moment we sat in a river brief

and filled our backs with leeches

it is still unfortunate

there’s not another name for birthdays

this unholy thing

 

Fever Dream

i awoke

to tiny footsteps pounding

a hard shelled beetle sitting upright in the palm of my hand

made to safely fall

high terminal velocity

through all the angered emails

your name      a punch

and still i wonder

say we never met?

a creature who survives ice ages

but cannot turn itself over

stays hidden in the pipes

play poly pretend parts private

play poly

pretend parts

private

Remember When Owls

dirt won’t spill

secrets 

it’s not their fault 

poor owl

as in    exploited widely undr capitalism

not as in cruel or wicked insufficiency

like everyone else

owl flaps the alien feather

beat

and from ridge top

a soft     coup

echoed

forgive me for the days

capitalism felt so good

one side drowns

while the other

dies of thirst

 
 

Dry Mouth

underneath with you and plans

at your sleeping side

staying afloat and

sportblown

tubular/sticky

in the toss of you/r

wave-legs restless lay

lilies power-blooming on a lake   still

this is our year

still   all to shield behind

cocooned in softsweet solar flare tinsel

hanging interim

of all your room

dreams atrophy

brittle broom

lost magic

sunsucked and swept

in bright-heavy doom

fuse metal together

tiny black birds spitting the fuck up

setting down layers of a thing

only other no-birds call

nest     i see us sleeping sure

here now     i see

us merely aging

in the same bed

IRL

warmth from a trash fire

pretty  pretty flames new

perfume on your nightgown

ablaze in silk  smokey reds

those long tongues with terrible secrets

dropping lines in chat forums

we met on a platform

     then i bought platforms

   pink       unexpecting

                    something

justborn and vulnerable

soft and without eyes

 

I. Rockdaisy Buds

that science in your stomach moon

peeking through night watch

this occupied land to camp between

us fresh aster blanketed re/ground

sprained hxstories our mourning

rockdaisy finally woke up finally

went outside and sees

the tall mushroom sculptures saved

from the trash   said trash

is/always art i shit

outside because someone was busying

the bathroom and i blame it

on the dog

II. Rockdaisy Blooms

rockdaisy takes

a sudoku book from the dollar store

sits with tea   and burnt toast

feels idleship like kid pictures on the fridge

rockdaisy finds a nail and hammers

a dime-sized mirror called ‘couples’

on the pantry 5 packages

came to the doorstep 4 other people

and 3 breads popped up from the toaster

but 2 shared 1 slot

connecting sides still soft

a deck of cards sat loudly

rockdaisy      you dog

you started to shuffle

 

III. Rockdaisy on Coast the seeding

vacationing in-

visible war zone is tricky

business for relaxing

beach views real

estate the very sky sleeping above

sea   the ostensible

infinity lineless endings

there is a horizon rockdaisy imagines

feels slighted by the internet's conviction

and way the ocean is so hopelessly

a scorpio in ether unrelenting

rockdaisy refuses to write

another poem about the sea

knows there is no way

to be in you

accept possible drowning

halophytic thirst rockdaisy

puts a fistfull of sand into drymouth

rockdaisy chew chew

had to write back

you about collision

the cleanup and slow peeling of flesh

sunbleached bones

exiting this life rockdaisy

said no.

for the first time

first time

saw sand chafing in eye sockets but thought you might

finally stop and finally wanted that

tasted blood and salt like possibilities

rockdaisy finally wanted that

it’s okay not to be working all the time it’s okay not to be working all the time it’s okay not to be working all the time

drink the nice wine first it’s okay not to be working all the time it’s

not to be

working

drink the nice wine first

not to be working

not to be working

not to be working

not to be working

not to be working

 

and the instructions

wash sea out

of hair and

drive away

 

Find a PDF version of our June 2022 feature zine here and join our Patreon to receive print copies of future features here.

Previous
Previous

Pelecanimimus and the Battle for Mosquito Ridge

Next
Next

Ogres of East Africa